AKS

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2009 has literally flown past! Its the end of December already and we are on the onset of 2010!!

Its New Year time once again...and I am left with a lot of mixed feelings- New years leave me both excited and scared.

New year is more like an annual stock taking!! Time to measure the Profit and Loss accounts and settle the discrepancies in the balancesheet!!!

Definitely there is happiness of a fresh beginning and anxiety about but more importanttly there is a lot of positive anticipation from the comming year!

2010, I have a lot of expectations from you dear, Don't let me down......!

Fireflies in the Garden


Here come real stars to fill the upper skies,
And here on earth come emulating flies,
That though they never equal stars in size,
(And they were never really stars at heart)
Achieve at times a very star-like start.
Only, of course, they can't sustain the part.

- By Robert Frost

Time is trying hard…Fading your worthless memories
Trying to heal my wounds perhaps…

But how will it delete the sorrow
That’s etched painfully on my heart?

For years it shall remain constant and depositing
Like a self-inflicted burden on the soul

Bringing to life with every moment of truth
The ghosts of yesterday from the Graves of our past………

-By Me

Sweet, shy, coy smiles are deceptive
And so is the sound of intelligent silence
They will take your numbness for granted
For they will drill a hole in your scattered heart
And out shall ooze pangs of profound pain

Releasing anguish; much better in than out
There! Out gushes the mellifluous restrain
And rancorous words become swords of defense
Pugnacious sanctity goes to doldrums
Much guarded assertiveness transforms into a sin
Lack of peace breaks loose its maddening havoc….

And you stand all alone & cornered.
Far away from what according to them is “acceptable”
And the world fiercely stares at you
And laughs vociferously in your face
“This one!” they cruelly point out…..
“Must pay the price for being too Naïve all his life”

- By Me!

The following song keeps on playing back to back in my MP3 player continuously these days. I love this song for some strange reason.It has been penned down by Kavi Grace and sung by Lata Mangeshkar. Its the flavour of the month for me. At times the kind of music one chooses determines the mood of the listener or rather elevates it. All I know is this song pulls some chords in my heart!! Call it some strange Music Therapy.......

Bhay ithle sampat nahi..." (kavi grace)
भय इथले संपत नाही...मज तुझी आठवण येते...
मी संध्याकाळी गातो...तू मला शिकविली गीते...
हे झरे चंद्र सजणांचे, ही धरती भगवी माया
झाडांशी निजलो आपण, झाडांत पुन्हा उगवाया
त्या वेळी नाजूक भोळ्या, वारयाला हसवून पळती
क्षितीजांचे तोरण घेऊन, दारावर आली भरती
तो बोल मंद हळवासा आयुष्य स्पर्शुनी गेला
सीतेच्या वनवासातील जणू राघव शेला
देऊळ पलिकडे तरीही, तुज ओंजळ फुटला खांब
थरथरत्या बुबूळापाशी, मी उरला सुरला थेंब
संध्येतील कमल फ़ुलासम, मी नटलो श्रृंगाराने
देहाच्या भवती रिंगण, घालती निळाईत राने
स्त्रोत्रात इंद्रिये अवघी, गुणगुणती दु:ख्ख कुणाचे
हे सरता संपत नाही, चांदणे तुझ्या स्मरणाचे
ते धुके अवेळी होते, की परतायची घाई
मेंदुतून ढळली माझ्या, निष्पर्ण तरुंची राई

I grabbed this book on compilations of poems by Vikram Seth called "All you who sleep tonight" from the British Library, Pune. This is the title poem and one of my favourite poems ever. Whenever I read this poem it reminds me of the ordeal of people like me who stay far from their homes and on their own.

All You who Sleep Tonight

All you who sleep tonight
Far from the ones you love,
No hand to left or right
And emptiness above -

Know that you aren't alone
The whole world shares your tears,
Some for two nights or one,
And some for all their years.


- By Vikram Seth

I am back to college after a sabatical of 3 looooong years(I completed my My Masters degree in 2006) and its definitely exciting to be a student again expecially of a reputed Institution like Symbiosis. Am looking forward for all the fun activities that await me. Of course that means a curb on my lovely liesure filled evenings, regular reading books will now be replaced with study materials, visists to friends and family will reduce drastically. I will have to practically juggle my personal, proffessional and educational life. But thats ok. Am ready to take this added responsibility head on!!!.....Am Soooooo Excited!!!!

: )

Saurabh's Status on Gtalk reads the following

Tough Times Never Last....But Tough People Do...So Will I!


Way to Go!

Often, we humans tend to loose our precious time and energy sympathising with our wrong past, in the process neglecting the opportunities that the present has to offer thus ultimately jeopardising what the future has in store for us.

........By Me

Well guys, I am back to what I do best- yappity yapping about sweet (sometimes bitter) nothings on virtual space. Well, to begin with I had so many things on my platter- First the good news is I won the "Miss Tiara Title" at Ritika Ramtri Mam's Course after winning most of the subcontests and got to learn so many different things like public speaking, presentation skills, group-discussion, fine-dining, business etiquette, interviewing skills, confidence building and fine dining. I had to really fret it out as the competition was very tough and the Title was too enticing. Secondly, I suffered from a bout of what they term as the "Writer's Block" where all the ideas almost vapurise like amorphous camphor but am OK now and have bounced back to my happy writing self : ) And lastly, I was completely tied down with work both professional and personal that couldn't squeeze time as exciting new responsibilities were added(That's a lame excuse: but still a "NO CAN DO")
So here I am ready to blog my heart away...Blog dear......Missed you so darn badly!!!

tujh mein rab dikhta hain yaara mein kya karoon
tujh mein rab dikhta hain yaara mein kya karoon
sajde sar jhukta hain yaara mein kya karoon
tujh mein rab dikhta hain yaara mein kya karoon

kaisi hain yeh doori,kaisi majboori
maine nazron se tujhe chooliyaaa…
kabhi teri khusboo,kabhi teri baatein
bin maangein ye jahan pa liya
tu hi dil ki hain ronak,
tu hi janmon ki daulat,
aur kuch na jano mein
bas itna hin jano

tujh mein rab dikhta hain yaara mein kya karoon
tujh mein rab dikhta hain yaara mein kya karoon
sajde sar jhukta hain yaara mein kya karoon
tujh mein rab dikhta hain yaara mein kya karoon

Its 3 am of a lazy January Sunday morning and I am sitting here browsing net because I am not sleepy, while my winap player is playing Tere Naina from Chandani Chowk to China for the 11th time I am sipping a hot cuppa of coffee. Just a thought rushed my mind now and I decided that I should pen it right away. When I was in sixth standard, our English teacher had taught us that all animals including man adapt to their surroundings sooner or later. That means they adjust to the changing environments by bringing a metamorphosis in themselves. For example Man turned to Homo Sapiens Sapiens from Ape when the climate of earth changed for survival reasons.
I had been suddenly jolted into a "situation" 8 months ago for which I need to travel up and down Thane-Pune several times a month. Its amazing how when I am in Thane I do not remember or recollect anything of Pune and vice versa. I think this was something that was missing all these years. The attitude to behave like a Roman when in Rome.I have started treating places, people, events and behaviour in isolation. There is a certain level of subjectivity and depth that has come to my thinking! Its amazing how our brain compartmentalises certain memories for good so that we can feel comfortable, at ease, attentive and at home wherever we are. When put in a different environment you go back to the cat combs of your memories and adapt again to your current situation! I don't know how it happens but it does for sure. When at home I do not think of Pune, work, loads of friends, loss etc when I am in Pune I don't have the time to think about home! Its like I live in and out of my two private microcosms such that when in either of them I forget the other. It fascinates me how we can live in harmony with our inner self even in altered surroundings and continue our pursuit of living and loving every second of it!

Down the painful memory lane again!



Its New Year time and memories have flooded my mind again. This photo just reminds me of someone……….I am trying desperately to forget…

The sad co-incidence is that this picture which is on web is also named as “the last dance”……..That has provided inspiration to the title of this post……….

Last year on New Year’s Eve I had a blast…….danced away in the night, had great booze and food with the person I loved so dearly by my side. Felt like heaven on earth………when a new year began with a kiss from someone who was my life………..

…..

If only wishes would come true……………

If only……….



For you my love, I have died a thousand deaths every hour, every second of the day……..

And that is not love for thou, for I am just a big mistake adding to your dismay………

May Luck and glory kiss your feet always……..

And may the happiness that you seek always be with you after we part ways……..

If only I could see beyond yesterday,
I see your face lighting up with a warm smile as unique as yours

If only I could see beyond yesterday,
I still smell the strong essence of your presence in the air around

If only I could see beyond yesterday,
I still see the moonlight from the window peeping in to kiss your charm

If only I could see beyond yesterday,
I still see your beautiful black eyes laced with long lashes battling when reading a book in the dim light of the night lamp

If only I could see beyond yesterday,
I still see sincerity and beauty in the meeting of brow on your forehead

If only I could see beyond yesterday,
I still see the curve of your lips pout for words to pour and an equally beautiful arch when silence prevailed

If only I could see beyond yesterday,
I still can't forget the grip of your strong arms

If only I could see beyond yesterday,
I still see respect in your deep disregard for my love

If only I could see beyond yesterday,
I still am contented because you are away but finally happy now!

If only there was no yesterday,

my world wouldn't have drifted the other way round!

....................By me!

Aha! Saw my best friends wedding the other day, I am soo in love with this song! Aretha Franklin has written amazing lyrics! Its a bit retro! But it still does rock! I absolutely love this song!

The moment I wake up
Before I put on my makeup
I say a little prayer for you
While combing my hair, now,
And wondering what dress to wear, now,
I say a little prayer for you Forever,
forever, you'll stay in my heart
and I will love you Forever,
forever, we never will part
Oh, how I'll love you
Together, together, that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only be heartbreak for me.

I run for the bus, dear,
While riding I think of us, dear,
I say a little prayer for you.
At work I just take time
And all through my coffee break-time,
I say a little prayer for you.
Forever, forever, you'll stay in my heart
and I will love you Forever,
forever we never will part
Oh, how I'll love you
Together, together, that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only be heartbreak for me.

My darling believe me,
For me there is no one
But you.