AKS

Chapter 1: Introduction

This Manual is entierly based on the keyword SURVIVAL

S-Seize up your dreams
U-Use not your senses
R- Remember where you are - In INDIA (bro!)
V-Vanquish your dreams
I-Improvise (feel good)
V-Value Living
A-Act like the rest
L-Live by others Wits - But for now learn the basic skills!!


CHAPTER 2 - Psycology for survival

Bass bhaiyya, tu hi woh sher ka baccha hain (jungle mein kaun gaya tha na pucho). Aaj tu padhega, Marks Layega, kal naukri payega! Kisi Multinational Company mein kaam karega. Saal mein medical aur casual pakad ke 15 din chutti milegi. Agar koi aachi Kamayi karne wali ladki mil jave toh aish hi aish!


CHAPTER 3 - Survival Planning

Planning according to the trend. Now-a-days due to recession no one's opting for computer engineering! MBA karo bhaiiyaa.....


CHAPTER 4 - Basic Survival

Be well groomed however gay it looks. Never forget to even tuck in your round neck t-shirt! Afterall "First impresson ijj last impresson!"
Be as spineless as you can.
Dont bother even if anyone chews off a bite of you, untill you're scoring more than him in your terminal exams!
Eat as many churna's, follow every activity that increases memory. Then may it be somthing like combing your hair while you brush your teeth or what-so-ever.

(Gives mental satisfation of being SHARP!!)


CHAPTER5 - Shelters

Varies from the stage you are at!

School - Teachers Staff room, or helping the librarian.
Junior College - Library (completing journals)
Senior College - Nerds are busy studying at recreational places like > parks/maidan/canteen (Never seen them studying at the local paan-wallah)

Office - Boss ki chato~




CHAPTER 6 - Booze Procurement

In college day's, its a myth that appearing for your exams in a drunk state brings you better scores! But the fact is, you dont remember shit about what you've written. So chill maadi! Have some more taadi!
Sources of booze - hostel peon, local liqour shop, sometimes even desi is the preference. (Every student has a potential to be a good economist.) Some of them have also tried preparing on their own. Thanks to Google.

The more you drink, the more fearless you get about your grades. Finally killing the stress is also a part of surviving the competition.



CHAPTER 7 - Knowledge Procurement

Never waste time understanding the topic. To understand you got-to read many more books, which is waste of time. Ratta maro! Copy karna jame-na jame, ratta maro. kuch samajh mein aaye na aaye. Bacchu iss race mein rehna hain ki nahi?



CHAPTER8 - Survival use of the college staff

The lab assistants are always the needy ones. Offer a chai, pass a nip(180ml) of red rum as he's sipping his chai. Now be not worried about the grades! No matter who's the external examiner.
Viva's - I dont think you're that dumb to butter your lecturers :P

Staff Identification - Spot the peon who's got the largest pot belly, red eyes, smells like ghutka, displays to be the closest to God. Get one of your target right, you'll get the remaining list from him.



CHAPTER9 - Dangerous Staff

Mostly the old feminine staff, with shrill voice. ( above 110 - 130 DB) The one who wears the same old safari for 15 days or even longer.....Never try to negotiate your scores with these creatures. Can also proove fatal, and a suspension letter in your hand.

How to Handle them - Be extra inquisitive about the lecture just delivered. Slog to find out a problem, in order to get it rectified from this staff! Attend their lectures even when you're on your death-bed! Once you get an invitation for a cup of tea at your staff's place, consider it done. And remember not to meddle up emotions with your staff's hot daughter.




CHAPTER10 - Dangerous Animals

The nosy one's around. Checkout if theres a guy who's 5 feet 6 inches tall, weighing around 52 kg's., wears a spectacle just to look nerdy. He's the one. Not the one from matrix. He's the one who solves the matrices first. He might turn up nosy and disrupt the tactful handling of the dangerous staff.

How to keep him away - See to it, he's always on the 9th cloud! Call him your elder brother, Jitna "BHAV" khata hain.....Khila-de! Kabhi canteen mein, uske chai ka bill bhar dena! (these nerds can turn up as stingiest animals on the earth)



CHAPTER11 - Field Projects

Fake certificates are always welcome. Save all this time to build up a better project. The Project to be submitted will be the crucial one! slog for the stupid robot to start rotating its wheels for you! Now the device-cum-robot you gave birth to runs at the speed of 5 km/hr and you're sure to score 18/20 lol!



CHAPTER12 - "Kadki" Survival
Gamble! Teen pati is the only game where you can make some bucks. Even the small scale local "satta"(betting) can help you win chai's at canteen. Look around and you'll be blessed with such numerous ideas.


CHAPTER13 - Signaling techniques

These are essential when you're in an examination hall. Totally blank about whats printed in the question paper.

i) Hold your handkerchief between (Main question no.) fingers and thumb, wipe your forehead.
ii)(sub-question no.) fingers to scratch your beard.
iii) Twist your neck - to turn the page
iv)pass the calculator/ ask for the log table - to alert



CHAPTER14 - Survival movements in hostile areas

If at all its necessary to get the micro-xerox out > see to it, the xerox can be secured within 4 seconds. Thats the reason why you find chewing-gum's stuck under your desk.


CHAPTER15 - Camouflage

Girls can take maximum benifit of a camouflage. Scribbling notes on the "duppata's" are mostly unseen.


CHAPTER16 - Contact with people

Saab ko apna "BHAY" bana ke chalo! Kabhi koi tension nahi hoga!!



CHAPTER17 - Survival in Man-made-Hazzard

Aur itna sab karke bhi gocchi ho-gaya toh, bhai mentos khao - apni akkal lagao :D

From last few days, there've been advertisement's about the upcoming "Phir Mile Sur".

Mile Sur mera tumhara - one of the nostalgic song belonging to our old cherished memories.

Mile Sur - was concived by Suresh Mallick. It was aired on air from 15th August 1988 on Doordarshan, as a national integrity project.
After 22 years Arti and Kailash Surendranath have recreated and presented it as "Phir mile sur." The word "Phir" being prefixed, the essense of the orignal vergion got discarded. The root cause of the track - Mile Sur is seen no where in the Phir Mile Sur. Its hard to make out the motive of this remake. It's just to add a bunch of western instruments, and and a short introduction to the bollywood celebreties.

Look at Amitabbh Bacchan, He's found a perfect formula of singing! Bacchan sir this isnt the Mehbooba remake from Raam Gopal Verma's Aag. The way you've recited

Varun-Renuka gifted me with a Canon-D350 EOS.
Was trying my hand at portraits.
Here are two of them.

After a filling lunch of "surmai", "bombil" and chicken curry followed by makkhan-wada's and other delicacies brought by Aaji......
The Green-yellow curtains were filtering out the harsh light from the window.
with baba wearing white, my fingers made the shutter do its job!


How can one miss Ananya from giving some extraordinary looks :)

Pura saal hum

Mar mar ke jee liye

Ek pal to ab humein jeene do

Jeene do

Na na na….Na na na….Na na na….Na na nana na….

Give me some sunshine

Give me some rain

Give me another chance

I wanna blow up once again

(Chorus 1993 blast’s ke kaidi)

Give me some sunshine

Give me some rain

Give me another chance

I wanna blow up once again

Kandhon ko Rocket launcher

Ke bojh ne jhukaya

Ak-47 chalana to khud

Papa ne sikhaya

Jeehaad karoge to jannat, varna jahanumm

Likh likh kar pada hatheli par

Taj, oberoi, Leopold ka chaala

Chuppe hue camera ne poora

Poora jawani jalaa daala

Jawani to gayi

Budhappa bhi gaya

Ek pal to ab humein

Jeene do jeene do

Na na na….Na na na….Na na na….Na na nana na….

Give me some sunshine

Give me some rain

Give me another chance

I wanna grow up once again

Na na na….Na na na….Na na na….Na na nana na….

Na na na….Na na na….Na na na….Na na nana na….

Today was my day!! Yeah yeah! After a long-time My day finally arrived!!

1) I got to host a full-fledged corporate function for 6 hours in front of 60 International dignitaries from about 20 countries!! The script was also scripted by me!! I don't know I think Hosting shows in my poison of choice!! I love it!! Its like a new improved Ketaki takes over when it comes to Public Speaking!! Thanks to my superiors who trusted me with this responsibility! And thank you God for providing me this Amazing opportunity within the first 15 days of my joining! And yeas,also for my clean fumble-free performance! It was highly appreciated! : )

2)A Speech script that I wrote for some one got selected!! yipppeee!

3) I bagged the first trophy in office for dance @ the Bollywood Dance Nite!!

Am soo happy Diary, I can't explain!!! I hope I can get many such opportunities!!!

1. In the December to February, India's celebrating the winter's - except Mumbai.

If you're in Mumbai and you think the temperature has fallen down, its getting cold. You get up - reduce the ceiling fan regulator by 1 unit.

Congratulations you've successfully demolished the cold :D


2. People here have a whistling cuckoo, crowing roosters as their mobile ringtones.


3.You are supposed to call an 8' x 10' clustered room a Hall.


4.Here riksha-drivers think the pedestrians need to be favoured.


5. If you don't understand what the vegetable vendor is trying to say in his bambaiyya hindi, he'll start speaking English!


6. The only place where you can find "Nokia" branded underwear!


7. Where you can come across drunkard's who'll talk a lot about how the whole nation is screwed up. Ending up, asking you money for a vada-paav.


8. Where Crows have lost their sense of time. You can hear them crowing @ 2100 hrs/ 2300 hrs/ 0100 hrs/ 0300 hrs........


9. Where "Bhaiyya" is taken as an abuse!


10. Where you can find more garbage at Jhuhu beach, compared to the Jhuhu Road MCGM Garbage-bin.

Ketaki's blog has a new article named : Return to Innocence.
That reminded me of a theory called: Discount theory.

Imagine, you are walking down the street. A young lad rush's his way out and unintentingly ends up passing you a slight push.

What would be your imediate reaction?
"Aabe itni jaldi thi toh......."
Most of us here would end up abusing the guy, or making him realise his mistake.

Now lets consider the same situation. Let the Young gentleman be replaced by a kid (5-7 years old)
Now how would you react?
"Aarey aabhi gir jata naa....."
The tone would have been carefull. You may even forgive the kid for this and offer him a candy.


I remember in my childhood I always judged a shopkeeper by how he treats me.
We used to stay in Kolhapur.
There was a stationery shop named - Daasram in Rajarampuri. Every time I visited Daasram. The Owner used give a broad smile. Enquire me about my school. He never fabricated a smile.
He used to give me little discounts to save a few coins for me.

He wasnt like his competetor, who was too busy for himself.

Whats the difference in every case we disscussed above.
Why do we change our point of view according to the one whom you are facing?




The Discount theory is releated to our behaviour. Giving small discounts when you're furious about something. Imagine the same mistake commited by an innocent child. Would you sound so harsh. I bet, the tone and the manner would definately differ.

We can just go on giving innumerous discounts on various incidents. May be the new set of reactions would be appreciated at a larger extend.

Eg:
Imagine you're attending a math class. You're unable to get on with a certain numerical.
>which reaction would you prefer from your professor?

A. Aarey chu****................
B. Aarey Raja/ Beta ..............

Kavlyancha aani Kabutarancha jar aawaj surel asta, tar Mumbai-hi kiti surel zali asti!

New Year Party of 2009!
Last New Year me and Amruta made Bhel for all our hostel mates.And all of us pounced on it as if we had been hungry for years all together. It was a very sombre, quiet and full filling kind of a new year celebration. All of the chutkus and Aaji in my hostel enjoyed a lot!

Platinum New Year Party @ Bhamburkar's Place! 31st Dec, 2009 - 1st Jan, 2010

Key Highlights-
This years New year party was Platinum rated! I really thank Professor, Aaditi, Mihir, Aakash, Deepti, Milya and Sheetal for the rocking party that we had at Professor's place! Can't forget how we all gyrated to bollywood songs and all the fun that we had! The party was especially rocking because of the great food and drink arrangements! ; )

Can't believe Aakash and Prathamesh had to make their way to Tulsi Baug(probably for the first and last time in their lives) to buy all the cutlery and glasses! I have to mention the special pains that they took while selecting the measurement glass! : )

The party was also responsible for according nicks that will not be forgotten ever!!
Like Rocket Sane!! and Jet Apte!!!

Thanks Milya for dropping me home in freezing cold!! And yeah if it was not for you I would not have reached on time for my "first day" @ my "new office".

Ok and a special thanks to me for controlling my yawns or atleast hiding them from my new colleagues for a whole 8.30 hours !!! Ghosh I was exhausted from the party!!

And how can I forget the guest appearance that Bongs made for the party in principle if not in person!!

2010 has begun with the most smashing party ever! Hope this year rocks for all of us!!